Beth Hodges
Couples Therapy
Helping you understand what has happened between you
Most couples don't come to therapy because they have stopped caring. More often, they have become caught in patterns they no longer know how to change. The same arguments happen again and again. One person pursues while the other withdraws. Resentment has accumulated. Intimacy has disappeared. Or something has happened - such as an affair or betrayal - that has shaken the foundations of the relationship. Sometimes couples simply describe feeling more like housemates, co-parents or friends than partners. Couples therapy gives you a space to slow those patterns down, understand what is happening underneath them and begin relating to each other differently.
When you've become stuck
Arguments are rarely only about the thing you appear to be arguing about.
Money, sex, parenting, household responsibilities, phones, work or whose turn it was to do something can become the place where much deeper feelings are expressed - Do I matter to you? Can I rely on you? Do you understand me? Am I important enough?
Over time, couples can become very good at anticipating each other's reactions. One person's attempt to get closer may feel like criticism to the other. Their withdrawal then feels like further rejection, which creates more pursuit - and the cycle continues.
In our work together, I help you become curious about the pattern rather than simply deciding who is right.
Rebuilding after an affair or betrayal
An affair, secrecy or another significant betrayal can profoundly destabilise a relationship.
The hurt partner may need to return repeatedly to what happened in an attempt to understand it and feel safe again. The other partner may feel ashamed, helpless or increasingly frustrated that nothing they do seems able to repair the damage.
Recovery isn't about telling the hurt partner to “move on”. Nor does understanding what was happening within the relationship excuse the choices that were made.
Therapy can help you make sense of what happened, tolerate the difficult conversations that follow and gradually establish whether trust and emotional safety can be rebuilt.
When you've lost the romantic or sexual connection
Some couples have a strong friendship, work brilliantly as parents and genuinely love one another, but no longer feel like romantic partners.
For others, physical affection has gradually disappeared amid children, work, stress, illness or years of unresolved hurt.
We can explore what has happened to intimacy between you without making sex another task you are failing to complete.
That might mean looking at desire, affection, vulnerability, resentment, body image, different levels of sexual interest, or simply how difficult it can be to see one another as lovers after years spent primarily functioning as a team.
What can couples therapy help with?
I work with couples experiencing communication difficulties, repeated arguments, emotional disconnection, affairs and betrayal, loss of trust, differences around sex and intimacy, parenting pressures, resentment, major life transitions and uncertainty about the future of their relationship.
You don't need to wait until your relationship is at breaking point. Some couples come because something is clearly wrong. Others come because the relationship is fundamentally good, but they don't want to continue drifting further apart.
What if we don't know whether we want to stay together?
You don't need to arrive in therapy having already decided. Sometimes one or both partners are genuinely uncertain about the future of the relationship. We can create space to understand what has brought you to this point and whether there is something between you that you both want to rebuild